Umair Haque, this is fun reading and you obviously had fun writing it. You can be credited with very colorful and engaging hokum. Your performance does, however, project stuff that can be fashioned into understandable questions. Valuable questions that need answers — and more questions. That this, I suspect, is not your primary purpose here, does not matter.
Capitalism is not the problem and does not need disrupting or destroying. It has brought all the goodies that both Haque and I enjoy. His article is more about inequality and “I don’t know where I am in the world and you don’t either”.
He has many followers!